OUR NEWSPAPER'S POLITICAL ENDORSEMENT

This presidential campaign has been historic with a woman's groundbreaking run for her party's presidential nomination, a black man's eventual winning of that nomination, and that of a great American and former prisoner of war who picked a female for his running mate. They all are respected statesmen, and stateswomen, but The Prater's Creek Gazette is endorsing local hero and banjo picker, Uncle Carl, for this nation's highest office. Not because he is from our town, but because he is the best candidate to restore our great nation to what it once was.

While the other candidates slung mud and argued over the war and the faltering economy, Uncle Carl stuck to the issues that matter to all Americans. It was he who promised, that if elected, all major league baseball games would be played in the afternoon, on grass, under open skies, and with no designated hitter. It was Uncle Carl who promised that all World Series games would also be played in the afternoon so young folks could see the game and not have to miss school the next day because they watched their heroes  play a game until the wee hours of the morning.

And, as he told enthusiastic crowds in Minnesota and Michigan, all NFL football games would be played outdoors on real grass. "How can American's feel good about themselves" he asked "when the Minnesota Vikings and the Detroit Lions, two teams of the storied Black and Blue division, the NFC North, play indoors on artificial turf?"

"If we do these things" the banjo picking candidate says, "the economy will take care of itself."

While the other candidates simply talk about biofuels such as ethanol, Uncle Carl and his band, The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show, has been making moonshine for decades.

And speaking of that band, Uncle Carl has shown diplomatic skills and the patience of Job while traveling thousands of miles with Grandpa, and putting up with his nonsense. If he can put up with Grandpa, after the old coot polishes off a jug, and not knock him out, dealing with cantankerous world leaders will be a piece of cake.

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