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The Prater's Creek Gazette

13th Issue Spring 2007 Page #2



Dear Ramona logo


Editor’s note: Ramona is rehabbing her hip that she broke visiting her cousin. She had gone up to see the Bears’-Saints game, got drunk and fell on the ice while tailgating. She won’t be able to return until after the first Chicago thaw. For this issue, her brother is filling in for the male response to your questions. So now we present:


 Dear Randy,

All my husband wants to do when he gets home is have his pickin’ buddies over to grill out, drink beer, and play music. I’m at my wit’s end! What can I do?

Bluegrass Widow

Dear Bluegrass Widow,

Woman, learn to play the instrument that’s missing in their jam sessions! And get down on your  knees and thank the Lord for that husband!


Dear Randy,

I work 12-hour shifts at the mill and come home to hateful kids, and even meaner wife. The only thing that gets me through the day is fantasizing that I am going home to Penelope Cruz. That she’ll have me a cold beer and hold my hand while I tell her how hard my day was, and all she says is “There, there, you poor dear”. Am I crazy?

Loony (?) In Liberty

Dear Loony (?),

Hey man, whatever gets you through the week without loading up the 12 gauge. For me it’s Jessica Alba.


Spring Concert To Be Held

concert clipartLivwright’s General Store will be sponsoring a free concert Saturday May 26. Storeowner Todd Livwright said that “the concert is a chance to show the community how much we ‘preciate everybody’s business”. Last summer, rumors swirled that the seventy-six year old general store that has served generations of Prater’s Creek citizens, would  be closing and a big chain store would take it’s place. Mr. Livwright felt he wanted to do more and he organized the concert. “Why, we even got some out of town acts coming in playing” Mr. Livwright happily boasted. “We got a Southern Metal band called Battlecock coming over from Clemson. This woman, PJ Harvey, who’s from England, and Emma Roberts who’s from Hollywood. I really like her TV show Unfabulous! And we got some great gospel with The Gaithers.” Mr. Livwright says he was also working on getting The White Stripes to play, but they are on hiatus right now. “I told their manager I’d be as happy as a hog in mud if Meg White could come down and just do a drum solo!”

In addition to these out of town bands, Prater’s Creek’s own The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show and Randall Alewine and The Afflicted will be appearing.

  Local Woman Almost Killed In Outhouse ClipartOuthouse

Throwing her hands in the air, Carlene Stubbs says she is “just thankful to God” that she is alive. Mrs. Stubbs narrowly escaped death last week when the family’s flatbed pickup truck, filled with coal, came barreling down the hill next to her family’s cabin while she was in the outhouse. “My sons had filled the truck up with coal and instead of unloading it then, they left it parked and went to go play baseball.” “Mama”, Mrs. Stubb’s oldest son, Caleb, replied, “we put a big ‘ol lump of coal under the back wheel.” “Yeah” added younger brother Jasper, “we told Daddy he needed to get the brake fixed”.

As Mrs. Stubbs sat in the outhouse, the lump of coal crumbled and the truck came rolling down the hill. “I heard a big rumbling noise and looked out the little crack in the door” a still shaken Mrs. Stubbs recalled, “and I Bail Bondsman ADthought ‘Oh my Lord, I’m gonna die with my drawers down!” Mrs. Stubbs said she dove out the door of the outhouse just as the runaway truck leveled the building.

The two boys are thankful their mother is all right, but they still can’t help laughing at the memory of her “diving out the front door with her bloomers down!”

Volunteer Fire Dept. To Hold Tripe Dinner

The Prater’s Creek Volunteer Fire Department will hold a tripe dinner this Friday night at the fire station on Stewart Gin Road. Plates will be $6 for adults and $4 for children under twelve.

All proceeds will be going towards the purchase of a new fire truck. When asked how much money has been raised for the truck so far, Chief Flint McCalister said “Well, we had a good bit raised but we spent it all on a bass boat, er I mean a fire rescue boat”.

Chief McCalister also said his band, Flint and The Flat Tops would perform after the dinner.

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