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Lifestyles
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Dear |
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Ramona |
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Editor’s note: Ramona is rehabbing her
hip that she broke visiting her cousin. She had gone up to see the
Bears’-Saints game, got drunk and fell on the ice while tailgating. She
won’t be able to return until after the first Chicago thaw. For this issue,
her brother is filling in for the male response to your questions. So now we
present:
DEAR RANDY
Dear Randy,
All my husband wants to do when he gets home is have his pickin’ buddies
over to grill out, drink beer, and play music. I’m at my wit’s end! What can
I do?
Bluegrass Widow
Dear Bluegrass Widow,
Woman, learn to play the instrument that’s missing in their jam sessions!
And get down on your knees and thank the Lord for that husband!
Randy
Dear Randy,
I
work 12-hour shifts at the mill and come home to hateful kids, and even
meaner wife. The only thing that gets me through the day is fantasizing that
I am going home to Penelope Cruz. That she’ll have me a cold beer and hold
my hand while I tell her how hard my day was, and all she says is “There,
there, you poor dear”. Am I crazy?
Loony (?) In Liberty
Dear Loony (?),
Hey man, whatever gets you through the week without loading up the 12 gauge.
For me it’s Jessica Alba.
Randy |
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Spring
Concert To
Be Held
 Livwright’s
General Store will be sponsoring a free concert Saturday May 26.
Storeowner Todd Livwright said that “the concert is a chance to show the
community how much we ‘preciate everybody’s business”. Last summer,
rumors swirled that the seventy-six year old general store that has
served generations of Prater’s Creek citizens, would be closing
and a big chain store would take it’s place.
Mr. Livwright felt he wanted to do more and he organized the concert.
“Why, we even got some out of town acts coming in playing” Mr. Livwright
happily boasted. “We got a Southern Metal band called Battlecock coming
over from Clemson. This woman, PJ Harvey, who’s from England, and Emma
Roberts who’s from Hollywood. I really like her TV show Unfabulous! And
we got some great gospel with The Gaithers.” Mr. Livwright says he was
also working on getting The White Stripes to play, but they are on
hiatus right now. “I told their manager I’d be as happy as a hog in
mud if Meg White could come down and just do a drum solo!”
In addition to these out of town bands, Prater’s Creek’s
own The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show and
Randall Alewine and The Afflicted will be appearing.
Local Woman
Almost Killed
In
 Outhouse
Throwing
her hands in the air, Carlene Stubbs says she is “just thankful to God”
that she is alive. Mrs. Stubbs narrowly escaped death last week when the
family’s flatbed pickup truck, filled with coal, came barreling down the
hill next to her family’s cabin while she was in the outhouse. “My sons
had filled the truck up with coal and instead of unloading it then, they
left it parked and went to go play baseball.” “Mama”, Mrs. Stubb’s
oldest son, Caleb, replied, “we put a big ‘ol lump of coal under the
back wheel.” “Yeah” added younger brother Jasper, “we told Daddy he
needed to get the brake fixed”.
As Mrs. Stubbs sat in the outhouse, the lump of coal
crumbled and the truck came rolling down the hill. “I heard a big
rumbling noise and looked out the little crack in the door” a still
shaken Mrs. Stubbs recalled, “and I
 thought
‘Oh my Lord, I’m gonna die with my drawers down!” Mrs. Stubbs said she
dove out the door of the outhouse just as the runaway truck leveled the
building.
The two boys are thankful their mother is all right, but
they still can’t help laughing at the memory of her “diving out the
front door with her bloomers down!”
Volunteer
Fire Dept.
To Hold
Tripe Dinner
The Prater’s Creek Volunteer Fire
Department will hold a tripe dinner this Friday night at the fire
station on Stewart Gin Road. Plates will be $6 for adults and $4 for
children under twelve.
All proceeds will be going
towards the purchase of a new fire truck. When asked how much money has
been raised for the truck so far, Chief Flint McCalister said “Well, we
had a good bit raised but we spent it all on a bass boat, er I mean a
fire rescue boat”.
Chief McCalister also said
his band, Flint and The Flat Tops would perform after the dinner. |
