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Hillbilly Horoscopes |
The Prater's Creek Gazette 14th Issue Summer 2007 Page #6 |
CANCER (JUNE.22-JULY.22) The word eccentric gets a bad rap, especially by those who prize the virtue of fitting in. But, dude, you just crazy! Outta your cotton pickin'’mind! LEO (JULY.23-AUGUST.22) The best way to change the world is to change yourself. Come to think of it, that’s the only way to change the world. So do your part: Shut up for awhile!!!!!! VIRGO (AUG.23-SEPT.22) You’re as excited as you were your first day of school. What are the other kids wearing? Will there be snacks? Will we be making arts and crafts? But, hold on there a minute. It’s just Vacation Bible School. Ready to make a small, tile, square ashtray? LIBRA (SEPT.23-OCT.23) Your attention is coveted by at least two important people in your life. The man at the bank that holds your loan papers and your probation officer. SCORPIO (OCT.24-NOV.21) You know that field you pass every morning? You saw the soil being turned by the discs. You saw them plant that morning. Now, it is weeks later, and the crop is rising. When are you gonna turn the soil and plant so as to see your efforts pay off? SAGITTARIUS (NOV.22-DEC.21) You’re entering a creative phase of your life. This requires you to disorient your habits. Down a big jug of Grandpa’s elixir and make a small, tile, square ashtray.
CAPRICORN (DEC.22-JAN.19)
You’ll risk a few dollars in the name of having a good time. But don’t wipe
out your bank account again this year by betting on the Prater’s Creek High
Lady Polecat Field Hockey
AQUARIUS (JAN.20-FEB.18) Jimmy crack corn and you don’t give a rat’s @#$! PISCES (FEB.19-MARCH.20) You’re full of interesting information, and in a mood to share your wisdom. You’re just full of it. ARIES (MARCH.21-APRIL.19) There are no guarantees that you’ll ever feel safe, secure or inspired enough to do the thing your heart wants to do. So you just have to do it now. Go ahead and buy that new $300 fishing reel! Your wife will never find out. TAURUS (APRIL.20-MAY.20) You’re the “Little Train That Could”. Just keep repeating “I think I can, I think I can”…..Hmmm, on second thought, have another beer. You’ll start working on getting your life back tomorrow. GEMINI (MAY.21-JUNE.21) Estha and Rahel were two-egg twins, “Dizygotic” doctors called them. |
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