Hillbilly Horoscopes

The Prater's Creek Gazette

18th Issue Summer 2008 Page #8

CANCER (JUNE.22-JULY.22) Like surprises? then don't read any further! If you don't like surprises, then you're still reading and

LEO (JULY.23-AUGUST.22) Coral your thoughts, which can be harder than rounding up a stampeding herd of cattle. And most of those cattle have mad cow disease!

VIRGO (AUG.23-SEPT.22) You're bold. If you're gonna be reckless, then be reckless with your heart and not your mouth. You may one day resent that you fell in love, but you'll be paying alimony one day if you ask that woman to marry you!

LIBRA (SEPT.23-OCT.23) You're asked questions that seem casual enough, but that are definitely loaded. Well, the person asking you is loaded. I know because I just seem them stagger out of the Riverview Tavern.
SCORPIO (OCT.24-NOV.21) Instant karma is gonna get you. It's gonna hit you right on the head. Better get yourself together

SAGITTARIUS (NOV.22-DEC.21)  You could become conscious of the unconscious. You could be unconscious. Either you're gonna know your brother-in-law's been in the hootch and is passed out, or he's gonna wake up and pulverize when he finds out you stole $20 out of his pocket.

CAPRICORN (DEC.22-JAN.19) Your personal live brings a baffling twist. don't try and figure it out and enjoy the mystery of it. It's more fun  not to know right now, and maybe not ever know. Psst, you're wife is cheating on you.

AQUARIUS (JAN.20-FEB.18) You usually command everyone's attention, but today you are happy to be ignored. So go out and shout at the top of your lungs "I am a fan of 'American Idol' and I don't care who knows it!! And Ryan Seacrest is cool!"

PISCES (FEB.19-MARCH.20) Hey, don't sweat it, the jury will find in your favor. I mean, you had to get your 12 guage and put your neighbor down. He had gone insane, for Christ's sake, running around in his yard carrying on how he liked "American Idol" and other such lunatic ramblings. You did the right thing.

ARIES (MARCH.21-APRIL.19) Yes, you're middle aged, but some parts of your life are just developing. I'm sure you'll be able to read and write before you start wearing Depends.

TAURUS (APRIL.20-MAY.20) You've worked hard and sacrificed. Nothing can stop you from achieving your goals! You will make the final cut to become a member of Dalvin's Triangular Orchestra.

GEMINI (MAY.21-JUNE.21) Friends don't seem to be dealing directly with you. At tonight's poker game, you'd better check up Chester Gilreath's sleeve when it's turn to deal.

Congratulations to Tamra Owensby of Greer, SC! She won the song lyric contest in last issue's Hillbilly Horoscopes and now is the proud owner of a Drovers Old Time Medicine Show T-shirt!

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