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COMMUNITY NEWS |
The Prater's Creek Gazette 18th Issue Summer 2008 Page #2 |
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Swappin' Licks Contest Real Shot In The Arm TO Local Economy
Grandpa, of The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show also benefited from the contest. "I sold so much likker, er I mean elixir to them guys" Grandpa said, "they were buying it to get drunk on to get the courage to compete, and they also bought it to soak their sore hands in after their bouts." Celebrity Dog In Town Again Last month, there were several reports of a mangy dog getting into people's trash cans. Zeke Morrison said he heard a noise and saw the dog and took a shot at it. "That dawg spread garbage all over my back porch. The next night over at Inez Smith's house, a dog that fit the same description was spotted rooting through her trash. The dog, who was described as a beagle with a severe case of the mange and yellow matter custard dripping from it's eye was spotted over the next few nights at various other people's house. It turns out the dog was the celebrated beagle, Uno, who according to his trainer/agent was just in town researching a role. Uno, who gave up competing in dog shows, is now trying to make it as an animal actor. He has been cast in an upcoming movie as a down and out dog, and he has been taking method acting classes, so just like DeNiro gained weight for his role in Raging Bull, Sharon Stone made herself look like a waif thin cokehead in Casino, and Charlize Theron just got plain ugly for her role in Monster, Uno got a veterinarian to shoot him up with distemper and the mange. Also, Uno recently finished a photo shoot with other celebrity canines for the September cover of the magazine Beagle Homes and Guard Dogs. The photo, which also features the Taco Bell Chihuahua, is a real life recreation of the famous "dogs playing poker" painting.
Gazette: It's nice to see you again Uno Uno: Arf! Interpreter: He says, he's glad to be here. Gazette: I'm gonna get right to the question that's on everyone's mind. Is there any truth to the rumor that you are in an illicit video, in a puppy making act with Paris Hilton's dog, Tinkerbelle? Uno: Arf! Interpreter: No, we're just good friends Gazette: How do you respond to critics who say you are a Benji wannabe? Uno:Grrrrrrrr! Interpreter: I respect Benji's work, he opened the doggy door for a lot of us, however I am my own dog. Gazette: Who are your role models? Uno:Arf! Interpreter: I really admire Gandhi and Brian of Family Guy. (at this point, Uno ran off to chase a cat, and to mark his territory on a tree) Gazette: Come Uno, come here boy! So Uno why did you run off and chase the cat? Uno: Arf! Interpreter: Why must I be like that, why must I chase the cat? I guess it's just the dog in me. Uncle Carl's Campaign (Three Finger) Rolls On In the wake of Barrack Obamas comment that his grandmother was “a typical white person” all the candidates came to Praters Creek to take on Uncle Carls candidacy. Uncle Carl's grass roots movement is beginning to gain momentum especially in the bluegrass community. Barrack Obama was quoted saying, "Uncle Carl was a 'typical Banjo Player'". When asked about the comment, Uncle Carl said, "I am not offended by this comment". Uncle Carl went on to say, "I make an allowance for these provocative words because it is my understanding that Barrack only plays a four string plectrum banjo and not a 5 string Bluegrass banjo as I do". When asked about Barrack's comments that Uncle Carl was a "typical banjo player", John McCain stated off the record he thought Barrack's comments were unkind but went on the record to say, " I play a long neck Pete Seeger banjo". Hillary Clinton was asked about Barrack's comments , and she said, "I don't have anything to say about the 'typical banjo player' controversy but I do take exception to John McCain's inference that he plays a long neck Pete Seeger banjo". Hillary added, "It was not the size of the banjo but how it was played" and cited that her husband Bill has been playing a short neck tenor banjo for many years and it was completely satisfying to her.
Uncle Carl stated once again his promise to have "A chicken in every pot, two pigs in every poke, and three fingers on every banjo". Uncle Carl, of The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show continued his campaign for President across America throughout the spring, shaking babies and kissing hands (that's not a typo). The month of April saw the nominee of the bluegrass party visiting and meeting folks in Nebraska, where he ate corn, and cut the ribbon on an outhouse. Later that month, he rode a horse into Texas, where he ate some brisket and dedicated an outhouse. Then it was on to Cincinnati, Ohio, where he met some folks at a chili parlor, and dedicated an outhouse. Then he was in Cleveland where he shook so more babies, kissed some hands and ate some Polish sausage, and dedicated an outhouse. Uncle Carl's schedule didn't slow down for the month of May, where, between shows with the band, he was in Baltimore, and threw out the first pitch at an Orioles game. The Orioles' catcher said his pitch was as hard than any pitcher's in their starting rotation. He was immediately signed to a one game contract, pitched a no hitter against the Boston Red Sox, ate some Maryland crab cakes, and dedicated an outhouse. Later that month, The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show was in Conway, SC to play a big show and Uncle Carl campaigned in the Grand Strand area of Myrtle Beach, ate some shrimp, and dedicated an outhouse. Then it was up I-95 where he stopped in at South Of The Border, ate a pecan log, and left one in an outhouse. Early June found the erstwhile candidate in Boise, Idaho where he received an honorary degree in poetry from Boise State University. Incidentally, the poetry honor, the Clovis Award, is named after retired washboard player, Clovis, of The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show (see the band's second CD, Melissa's Waltz for background information). While touring the Boise St. campus, Uncle Carl was relieved to find out that the university's football field really is blue, and that his television set's color didn't go awry ever time he watched a game from there.
Local
Musician To Conduct
Summer Music
classes Dalvin, of The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show will be conducting summer classes at Prater's Creek Elementary school this summer. The doghouse bassist says he is excited about nurturing the vast musical talent in town. "Oh yeah we got lots of talented young uns here in town" Dalvin told the Gazette "lots of guitar pickers, banjo pickers, a few fiddlers. but what I'm really looking for is some real good triangle players. And some young uns who can play a tune on the sandpaper covered wood blocks! The classes will run be held July 14-28. If you would like to enroll your child in the class, call 864-555-TUNE. Miss Inez's Finishing School Miss Inez Higgingbottom has opened a finishing school here in Prater's Creek to refine girls. Miss Higgingbottom said she will teach young women things like burping the alphabet with their pinky out, and how to lace up work boots in a ladylike fashion. "And that ain't all" Miss said, "we'll teach the girls how to look demure behind a plow, and how to chew tobacco in a ladylike manner." The school is located on Belle Shoals Road, in the building that once housed Cecil's Embalming School. Miss Higgingbottom is now taking applicants from young ladies ages 14-21. Classes cost $25 per month. Miss Higgingbottom said she would take the fees in trade, if needed, for goods such as canned vegetables and fruit, livestock, chickens, and homemade liquor.
On this day in Prater's Creek history in 1977, Nadia Comaneci came to visit her number one fan, Grandpa of The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show, at the band's farm. Grandpa got some two by fours and built her a balance beam, and she had what she called "the most vunderful day of my life, yes, eating the homemade peach ice cream and sitting on the lap of Grandpa, yes". Grandpa also refers to that day as the greatest day in his life. Grandpa wanted Nadia to stay in the United States and be free from Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceausescu's tyranny. Too Much Draft On Draft Day
"I like football as much as a the next person" Sheriff David Stone told the Gazette, "but these folks just go overboard with their love of the Bears and drinking, which seems to go hand in hand." The Bears Den had met and tapped the first keg around noon. By the fourth round of the NFL draft, and the 83rd round of the Budweiser draft, the Bears' faithful was fatally faced and toasting the Bears' draft picks. "Well, in the first round we got Chris Williams from Vanderbilt ," said Fire Chief Flint McCalister, a long time Bears fan " we needed a left offensive tackle! And then in the second round we got Matt Forte from Tulane! By the time we drafted Craig Steltz ,the DB from LSU, we was tore up!."
According to Sheriff
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We sat down with Uno, and his
interpreter for an exclusive interview.
As the candidates were leaving, they
were asked to comment on their visit to Prater's Creek: Hillary said she
enjoyed her trip to Prater's Creek, and enjoyed debating the candidates but
"as we landed in the field behind Livwright's General Store, we were under
sniper fire and had to duck down as we came off the helicopter". When asked
about the incident Uncle Carl said, "Hillary was
mistaken about the sniper fire, I had an old chew of tobacco from early
morning and decided to throw it out and it accidentally looped by her head."
O
The Pickens County
Sheriff's office was called out on a public disturbance complaint this past
April 23 to the home of Grandpa, of
The Drovers Old Time
Medicine Show. The local Chicago Bears fans who gather at
Grandpa's house to watch football, known as the
"Bears Den", had met to tap a keg, or four, and to watch the televised NFL
draft proceedings.
Stone, the night
took a turn for the worse when Bubba McCalister brought out his beer funnel.
"He said he'd had that thing back in college"
Grandpa told the Gazette,
"back when he played football for Clempsun. Well, we got to funneling
that beer and it was all over with but the reading of our Miranda Rights!