In
Praise Of
Brunettes
Don’t let this first sentence
scare you off, but Marilynn
Monroe never did a whole lot for me. Pamela Lee? What the heck do people see
in that siliconed, collagen injected joke? You see my
dear reader; I am a lover of the dark tresses.
The brunette. Once in awhile a California blonde type will impress me, but I
go gaga over the brunette, especially with long straight hair, be she the
sultry vixen or the girl next door type.
My first
girlfriend, Tammy Green, was a brunette. Rilla-Rin nursery school 1963. She
was a babe. I got my parents to name my new baby sister after her, but I
could not understand why she couldn’t be named "Tammy Green" and not "Tammy
Tarbox". Many great afternoons, after naptime, were spent with her on the
teeter-totter. Until I gave her the chicken pox and she never wanted to come
near me again.
 Julie
Newmar, the first, and best
Catwoman, had a huge impact on me in 1966 when the show came on the air. I
was in the first grade and the femme fatale, leather clad….oh yeah this is a
bluegrass site
 I had a major
crush on Jackie
Kennedy in fourth and fifth
grade. My mama still likes to kid me
about the time she found "Irving Loves Jackie" written all over my Blue
Horse notebook. In a sad case of irony, Jackie never looked better than on
that fateful day when she and JFK landed in Dallas. Holding the bouquet of
roses in that pink suit and the pillbox hat. The picture of her standing
there as LBJ is being sworn in on the flight back to Washington, DC just
rips out my guts. What did Paul Westerburg sing on the Replacements album,
All Shook Down? "Sadly beautiful". My little grade school heart was
shattered into a million pieces when I read in the newspaper one Sunday that
she was to marry Aristotle Onassis. My family had driven to Greenwood, to
the lake to visit friends that afternoon. After reading the item, I took a
long lonely walk around the lake. I wanted to throw myself into the ice-cold
waters of Lake Greenwood.
Olivia
DeHaviland in Gone with the Wind. Look up the word "sweet" in your
Webster’s and it will have a picture of Olivia. Audrey Hepburn in
Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Those delicate features!
 The
greatest brunette of all time, the most beautiful woman who ever lived, was
undoubtedly Natalie
Wood. From Rebel without a
Cause to Bob & Carl & Ted & Alice she ruled the world. Just take
a look at her in Splendor in the Grass if there is a lingering doubt
in your mind. Her dark features and the most beautiful large black eyes! She
calls to mind one of my favorite old-time string band songs "Handsome
Molly": " Hair as black as raven, eyes black as coal". And that figure! I
love in Gypsy when she changes from tomboy to goddess in front of the
mirror. "Mama, I’m pretty!" In 1960 her stats were "100 pounds, 5’3",
33-20-35"
 If
you have previously browsed this site then you know who my favorite current
exalted brunette is: WINONA
RYDER. (Please visit the
"Favorite Links" section, if you haven’t already done so, and take in the
beauty of Winona.) Ever since 1989, when I first saw her in Heathers, she
has ruled Hollywood’s Babe List. I don’t care if she did shoplift while
whacked on Vicodin. Just a small blip on the radar screen to us Winona
lovers. When the camera first shows us her face in Woody Allen’s
Celebrity the whole theater was awash in her beauty. And she loves The
Replacements! The band not the stupid football movie. Ever notice that the
high school in Heathers is Westerburg High?
Other notables
are Kristi Yamaguchi, Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, Parker Posey (who I first
saw playing the role of "Jackie O" in the House of Yes!). Olivia the
hostess at Barley’s in Greenville. Olivia has an identical twin that I have
never met, but I like to think she is named Vivian. Meg White of the band
The White Stripes, and Angela White (no relation) who maybe had the most
beautiful head of hair in history. So long, so dark, so perfect and soft to
the touch. The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show
sing about her in "Song for an Angel" on their
first CD. Kim Gruman and Jennifer Mosely, God’s gifts to the world of
textile management, who almost made going to work something to look forward
to. Laura Cantrell who sings as beautifully as she looks. And of course,
Kitty Bartholomew with her Anne Bancroft (RIP)-ish gray streak in her hair.
Oh my, my. Kitty Bartholomew.
But what’s funny
is, the girl that has me thinking of her 23 hours and fifty some odd minutes
a day has long, beautiful, naturally, curly, light brown hair. And history
may prove her to overtake Natalie Wood as the all-time number one goddess.
Suggested Summer
Listening
and Reading
List
-
Everything ever recorded by Bill Monroe, Flatt & Scruggs, and The Stanley
Brothers
-
Frost On the
Pumpkin - Kenny Baker
-
My Funny Valentine - Miles Davis
-
The Collected Poems of Alfred, Lord Tennyson
-
Close Together (As You and Me) - George Jones and Melba Montgomery
-
Love Over and Over - Kate and Anna McGarrigle
-
Double Live Gonzo - Ted Nugent
-
Mighty Close To Heaven - Carl Story and His Rambling Mountaineers
-
Songs For Our Savior - Carl Story and His Rambling Mountaineers
-
Don Quixote - Cervantes
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