The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show - Prater's Creek Gazette

PAGE 1 \| 2 \| 3 \| 4 \| 5 \| 6 \| 7 \| 8 \| 9

COMMUNITY NEWS (Cont.)	The Prater's Creek Gazette 6th Issue Summer 2005 Page #4

Brilliant Minds In Town, In Tune

World-renowned physicists Bryan Greene, Steven Hawking, and a slew of other top thinkers, along with folks from PBS were in town last month and the scientific community will never be the same.

Greene’s "String Theory" has toppled many dominoes in the science world but the team of scientists’ checker was kinged when they met with Uncle Carl, banjo picker for The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show, and heard his theory of the workings of the universe.

Word had drifted from the silos of Prater’s Creek to the ivory towers of academia of a new theory that Uncle Carl said was the most important theory since e=mc². This announcement had rocked the world of physics and its theorist doesn’t even have a doctorate in physics, or even a Master’s. But he does have a Mastertone. A Gibson Mastertone.

Uncle Carl, the Buddha of the Banjo, who "oms" in G major, invited the esteemed scientific visitors down to South Carolina. Being the staff science writer for the Gazette, I was allowed to tag along and be privy to this summit. We sat there on the porch of Livwright’s General Store, drinking RC Colas and eating Moon Pies with the rest of The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show as the discussion began. I knew the conversation would be over my head, so I brought along my tape recorder. What follows is a verbatim account of what happened.

Homer: Who’s that fella?

Dalvin: He’s from NOVA.

Homer: That ain’t no Chevy he drove up in, that’s a Toyota.

Grandpa: This Greene fella he’s got a "string theory".

Homer: Ah, he’s just "Greene-ing ya".

Grandpa: I got me a "string theory" too. "Change your guitar string when you break it".

Cousin Ray: Hey mister, can I go for a ride in that little go-cart?

Hawking: This is a motorized wheelchair my uneducated hillbilly friend.

Cousin Ray: Well, can I still ride it? I bet I could burn rubber across this porch! Does it have a Briggs & Stratton in that thang?

Homer: Hey, how do you do your voice like that?

Hawking: Huh?

Greene: Now, Uncle Carl, what is this new theory?

Uncle Carl: Well, I call it the "shine theory".

Greene and Hawking: (together) What, pray tell, is that?!

Uncle Carl: Well, you fellas take this jug, and drink you a big ‘ol drink!

They both took multiple swigs and passed it around. Hawking fell out of the chair and broke my recording device, and I had too many swigs of Grandpa’s elixir to recall exactly what happened. But I swear Hawking started dancing around as Cousin Ray led the band through Sally Gooden. The last thing I remember was Greene, Hawking, and all of the other scientists sitting at Uncle Carl’s feet like wide-eyed little kids.

Greene: What you are saying is: The answers to all of the universe’s questions are in that jug?!

Veterinarian Business Ad Hawking: Wow, how did you come up with that?

Uncle Carl: Ah, even a blind hog finds an acorn ever now and then.

Hawking: Could you teach me to pluck the banjo?! Dalvin, do you think I could sing bluegrass tenor?!

Dalvin: Uh…., yeah sure!

Greene: Uncle Carl do you have any other wisdom to bestow upon us?

Uncle Carl: Well, I just got a letter from Aunt Ethel and she’s been reading her Bible and discovered what the oldest car in the world is ....

On This Day In History

On this day in 1966, actor Hank Patterson, who played Fred Ziffle on the brilliant television show Green Acres, and actress Barbara Pepper, who played Doris Ziffle, were in Prater’s Creek. There were many pigs that played the part of Arnold because the pigs would get too big for the part. Mr. Patterson and Ms. Pepper were in town looking for the best pig to play Arnold Ziffle in the upcoming season.