Cancer (June 22-July 22) So much of what happens in your romantic situation is on an unconscious level. Your sweetheart is passed out most of the time!

Leo (July 23-Aug 22) It’s a brave day-you’re not afraid of being the "bad guy". Your boundaries and expectations are very clear now. You are in a 10 by 12 cell, don’t expect to make bail, and figure you’ll be behind bars for 5-10.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept. 22) You have found one person who "gets you", understands you on every level, a person that is your rock. But you are passed out all the time! Sober up before they dump you!

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct 23) You have had your doubts about your neighborhood lately, but when you go beyond the riff raff, well, then you’re not in your neighborhood anymore.

Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 21) You’re just too busy creating the life you want to notice that someone is pining away for you. Just keep telling yourself that until you believe it.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) Uncork and strengthen your faith. All magic springs from that demijohn.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) The Allman Brothers Live At Fillmore East was on Capricorn.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) A man you see every day is in love with you, and you won’t give him the time of day. He’s sitting on his front porch right now, singing a song he just wrote about you.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20) No matter how willing you are to compromise, to be lenient and compassionate, some people are gonna be a *#@#%!! It’s their nature. No jury in the world would convict you of what you’re thinking about doing.

Aries (March 21–April 19) No matter how old you are, you fill hip, cool, fresh, full of ideas and free of the cynicism that has drug you down. But then tomorrow morning you’ll wake up with a vicious hangover and remember why you’re so blue. Put on George Jones with the morning’s pot of coffee.

Taurus (April 20-June 21) Let people know they mean something to you. When you’re up at 4 AM, three sheets to the wind. Call your old high school sweetheart and tell them it’s them you wished you had married.