Lifestyles

DEAR RAMONA -
Oooba dooba dooba ooo! Dooba ooba da dooha doo?!

SIGNED — X

DEAR CLOVIS.

You are just going to have to decide which supermodel you want to date and tell all the others to leave you alone. If you don't clear this up with all these young women, all of your time is going to he taken up with them wining and dining you. Spending all of their money on you, and flying you of on their private jets to bikini fashion shouts on beautiful tropical islands. If you settle this soon you can start making more shows with your family's bluegrass band.
The more you try to juggle the Naomi's, Cindy's, Christy's and Claudia's of the runway, the more trouble you are going to cause these poor girls and yourself. Why, poor Kate Moss was so distraught over you not wanting to date her exclusively that she had to check herself into a hospital! You need to find a local girl that knows how to cook, hunt, and has childbearing hips, then settle down.

--RAMONA

DEAR RAMONA.

What do you think about somebody that'd borrow your best iron skillet and never return it? I let my best friend, my ex-best friend, borrow my county fair, blue ribbon winning, fried chicken cooking skillet. And Ramona, she never returned it! It just bums me up to know she's using my best skillet while I'm making do with one of my other skillets. But these other skillets just don't have the magic. What should 1 do?

--PEEVED IN PRATER'S CREEK

DEAR PEEVED.

Gertie Moss. if I've told you once. I've told a thousand times.---- I gave you that skillet back! I've offered to pay you hon',   but I can't take :his arguing over that dang skillet!'

Gert, me and you have been best friends for over fifty years and I'm telling you dear, 1 ain't got the skillet! Did you check to see if you left it at church that time our Sunday School class cooked for everybody?

-RAMONA

 New Jersey Youngster

Visit's Prater's Creek

The Make A Wish Come True Foundation was able to help another child. No it was not a terminally ill child, but a youngster growing up in New Jersey. It seems that Vincent Cartucci, a twelve-year-old lad growing up in Newark, wrote the foundation and told them how much he wanted to visit Prater's Creek. The twelve year old, a big fan of The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show, had the deed to one square inch of land that the band included in their last CD "Melissa's Waltz" hanging on his bedroom wall. He often dreamed of visiting Prater's Creek and doing the things that some of the band's songs talked about.

"I have never been fishing" the boy's pitiful letter said. "My mother says I would get sick if  I ate anything out of the rivers in Newark anyhow." The foundation was so touched by the little boy's letter that they immediately contacted The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show and the band said "sure, send him on down!" Little Vinnie stayed at the Drovers farm for two weeks. "I got to go fishing and play horseshoes!!" the renewed youth said. "I've never had so much fun!" When asked what his favorite part of the visit was, Vinnie thought and said "dem pretty gurhls!! Der not all painted up down heah. Or all the good food I got to eat when these pretty girls asked me to their house for dinner, er I mean supper! I had never had chicken without the catchatorri! But probably the best part was sitting on the front porch of Livwright's General store and whittling!" Betty Astor of the Make A Wish Come True Foundation says if you would like to host a child from an industrial city up north, then contact her at (864) 5555-WISH. "These children need our help" Astor said.

Local Textile Worker----

New Record Holder

Of Most Keys

Local textile worker John Macauley is the new world's record holder of carrying the most keys on a key ring. Mr. Macauley  set the record carrying 4,739 keys on his key ring. He says he never takes an old key off the ring. "See this key right here?" Macauley asked pointing to an old worn out key. "This key is to my Vrooom bike I had as a kid back in 1967. This key here is to my high school locker. Even though I quit school in the tenth grade, I still have my locker key." Mr. Macauley will be entering Easley Baptist Hospital next week for hip replacement surgery. Unfortunately,  the insurance plan at  Roger Mengele Textiles will not be covering the operation.