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COMMUNITY NEWS |
The Prater's Creek Gazette 16th Issue Winter 2007 Page #2 |
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Local Musician Announces Candidacy For Presidency
Uncle Carl plans on running on both the Democratic and Republican ticket, emphasizing fiscal responsibility. The campaign’s slogan will be “A Pig in Every Poke, Two Chickens in Every Pot, and Three Fingers on Every Banjo”. Tempers Flare At Town Meeting Over the past few years there have been a few people who have moved to Prater’s Creek for the serene, rural setting. These people are from big cities such as Newark, NJ, New York, NY, Philadelphia, PA and Greenville, SC and have moved here because Prater’s Creek was listed as the best place to live by both Time and Newsweek magazines. But upon moving here they start complaining that the rural area is too rural. These complaints were heard at a recent town hall meeting. “We can’t even sit out and have our afternoon tea” Vanessa Van Vandingburton, who moved here from Newark with her family last year, told the gathering. “The smell of cow manure is so strong it overpowers the scones!” Trey Baldwin, a Philly transplant, said he was late for his morning commute to his office in Greenville three times last week because he “was stuck behind some farmer’s horse and buggy! Why can’t they stay on their own road?” Many of the newcomers complained that the town council should try and create nightlife and more diverse business environment. “Why there is nothing to do on a Saturday night after the sun goes down” said Ivana Kirwan, who moved here from Hackensack, NJ last year. “Now that ain’t true” retorted native resident Jasper Neil, “We have a barndance on the first Saturday of every month with The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show picking for the square dance!" Diedre Hitchcock, who moved here from Boston, said that there “needs to be some nice antique stores and art galleries downtown”. Then Mayor Allen Jones stood and said “Whoa! Whoa! Y’all Yankees ain’t gonna turn Prater’s Creek into Pendleton! We’re gonna stay true to our roots!”
Ol’ St. Nick will be in town a day early to hear last minute Christmas wishes from the boys and girls of Prater’s Creek. The jolly old man will be at Livwright’s General Store between 2-5pm. “That’s right I will be” said Grandpa of The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show, “and Santa Claus will be there too!”
Volunteer
Fire Department
Saves
Drovers’
The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show is singing the praises of the Prater’s Creek Volunteer Fire Department these days. The local bluegrass band’s house nearly burnt to the ground last Sunday afternoon. Fire Chief Flint McCalister said the fire started after Grandpa of the band had doused a CD, which contained two new country songs that the band had agreed to play for a wedding the day before. “He’d hung the CD from a tree limb with a guitar string” Chief McCalister told the Gazette. “It was right next to the house and he poured lighter fluid all over it and set it afire” “Yeah, I wanted to exorcise the demons from learning those two songs. They were in my head for two weeks as I was learning them for that wedding!” The Bears Den, a collection of Chicago Bears fans, which includes Fire Chief McCalister, who meet at Grandpa’s every Sunday during the NFL season to watch the “Monsters of the Midway”, had gone into the house. They had watched the burning of the CD, and then went inside to catch the kickoff of that day’s game. Soon they smelled smoke and discovered that the house was in flames and then exploded when the fire reached the room where Grandpa keeps his jugs of liquor, I mean “medicine”. Chief McCalister rounded up his firemen and saved the house. Grandpa told the Gazette he’s gonna “buy two plates!” at the next firehouse fundraising supper. Quilting Bee Thanks Community For Participating In Fundraiser Madeline Wicker of the Prater’s Creek Quilting Bee says her organization has raised more money than they ever have. The Quilting Bee takes donations of fabric from the community and turns out beautiful quilts that are then auctioned off with all the money as well the quilts going to the less fortunate. “Oh, it’s so wonderful” Mrs. Wicker told the Gazette, “many of the same ones who donated the cloth then are the highest bidder on the quilt so they are actually giving twice! After taking some of the money to get Audrey Smithinjohn out of jail, she had a little too much of the holiday spirit at the bee, ah, she was gassed on shine, we donated over $500 and 20 warm thick quilts.” Packers’ Fans Want To Execute Teacher In Wisconsin Berta Hamby, a native of Prater’s Creek, and who teaches third grade in Green Bay, WI, had her students name a teddy bear “Mushin” after Chicago Bears receiver Mushin Muhammed. When the parents in the town found out about it they immediately had her suspended from her teaching duties and called for her execution. The violent outcry came because the parents of the children are all die hard fans of the Green Bay Packers, hated rivals of the Bears. Angry Wife, Pickens County Sheriff, Shut Down Gambling Ring
“Mrs. Ellenburg called us one day, madder than a wet hen!” Sheriff David Stone told the Gazette. “She said her husband was losing his paycheck every week in an illegal poker game. We followed up on the tip and raided Mr. Johnson’s house, arresting eight men, including Mrs. Ellenburg’s husband, Joe.” “And I be dad blamed!” Mrs. Johnson said, “Joe was holding a straight flush when the sheriff busted in!” On This Day In Prater's Creek History On this day in Prater’s Creek history in 1991, The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show’s favorite poet, Deacon Lunchbox, gave a performance. The poetry reading was sponsored by The Six Mile Social Club and was held at Raoul Congola’s house.
Mr. Lunchbox was a notorious genius from Atlanta who had
opened many shows in that city and Athens, GA
for The Drovers. “The booking agent in Athens
told
Local Men Arrested In “Little Debbie” Brawl Dennis Taylor, 72 years old of 231 Sunset Road, and Merle Thompson, 77 years old of 578 Belle’s Crossing Road, were arrested last Thursday afternoon for aggravated assault on each other. Sheriff Stone told the Gazette that Mr. Thompson accused Mr. Taylor of eating the last Little Debbie Swiss Roll Cake during their checker game. “I had to go the bathroom” Thompson said, “and when I got back my Little Debbie cake was gone. So I socked him in the jaw!” “Them Little Debbie cakes are good” Sheriff Stone said. |
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Uncle
Carl, of The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show has announced his candidacy for
the office of Presidency of the United States at an appearance at
Livwright’s General Store yesterday. It seems he hadn’t planned on it, and
was just going to the store to get some new shoelaces for his boots. A few
men were sitting around the cracker barrel discussing politics when
Uncle
Carl came in the store and joined in the talk. “After about 15 minutes” Todd Livwright, store proprietor recalls, “Uncle Carl told me to call y’all (The
Gazette) ‘cause he had an announcement to make.”
S
us
he had a show for us at the Downstairs Café” recalls
Grandpa, “and the opening act was to be a poet who beat on a
bombshell with a ball peen hammer while he recited. I pictured some artsy
fartsy performance artist. That night we were doing the soundcheck, playing
a song by Jim & Jesse. In comes this bearded mountain man about 300 lb. and
six foot six with this big baritone voice who says ‘Jim & Jesse! Don’t get
no better than that! Howdy, I’m Deacon Lunchbox’”.