Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) You’re a child of Autumn. Football and candy corn are in your blood.

Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 21) Well, well. You finally got that letter from the Aquarius you’ve been pining away for how long now? Nine or ten issues of this newspaper? And she tells you in the letter that she’s happily married and expecting child. Dang boy! What a maroon!

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) The stars are aligned. It’s your turn this year to carve the Thanksgiving bird.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) You’re credited with doing and saying all sorts of things today -  many of which you either don’t remember or that you’re quiet certain you never did or said. Boy, you were out at The Drover’s farm ‘til sunrise this morn. And somebody’s got it all on video!

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) You see the 5th Dimension perform at Super Bowl halftime show. Hey look y’all! It’s Marilyn McCoo!

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20) Don’t just sit there on that bar stool drinking beer and watching whatever game is on TV. Live life! Eat some pickled eggs with your beer.

Aries (March 21–April 19) The planets align to help free your mind of all your troubles. And, more importantly, you just uncorked a jug of Grandpa’s elixir.

Taurus (April 20-June 21) Shakespeare said “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players”. Neil Diamond said “The stage, she is the @#$%^%$ist woman I ever met”. What’s that have to do with you? Hmmm, probably nothing.

Gemini (June 22-July 22) Cupid is on the loose! But hopefully the cops will pick him up before he does further damage.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) Don’t be tempted by a purchase that could be beyond your means. Don’t order those Dale Earnhardt commemorative black velvet paintings.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22) Tom Jones sang “It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone”. But, for you, it is unusual. The one date you’ve had is with your sister.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept. 22) Kenny Rogers sang “You gotta know when to fold ‘em, know when to hold ‘em”. Kenny knew when to fold and hold the flaps of his face with bad plastic surgery.

 CryptoQuote

The following is a quote by a famous orator. Each letter stands for another letter. To get started we’ll give you a hint: K=E. Good luck!

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XMRK GKMEK VYQDZ VYKW FMDDS TQK XMRK TSW Q FMV DKBX: WMP DKHKA FMV VM FM.

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